Did you realize that out of the top five reasons for divorce which are financial issues, communication problems, abuse, infidelity, and sexual problems, money is the number one reason given for divorce? Why is that? I believe it has to do with two main facts. One, money is something we have to deal with every day, so we are not walking in agreement with our spouse this will quickly become apparent in our finances. Two, Matthew 6:24 tells us “No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money.” We cannot place money as a priority. If it is, all other areas of our lives will get out of whack.
So how do we prevent money from causing a divorce? Here are five practical tips:
1. Set goals as a couple
Decide what you hope to accomplish in your lives personally, physically, professionally, spiritually, and financially. This will help you understand how you want to prioritize the use of your money. Maybe it is your goal for your wife to be able to be a stay at home mom, but you need her salary due to school loans. In that case, you may want to make it a priority to pay extra each month to reducing those loans and eliminating them as fast as possible.
2. Communicate about what your finances look like
I particularly like using the Monthly Income and Expense Sheet as well as the Monthly Income Allocation worksheets that Crown Financial Ministries has to see where my money needs to go each month and which paycheck is going to be spent to cover those expenditures. This helps you have a clear plan.
3. Be honest
If you are afraid of losing your job, be honest with your spouse. If you worry about debt, be honest with your spouse. Do not hide debt, expenditures, etc. from your spouse. This will only serve to create a wall between you. One little thing will lead to another and so on until you have a mountain between you and are in divorce court, so purpose to be honest in ALL things!
4. Be on the same page spiritually
If you are not on the same page spiritually, work together to understand where each spouse is and how you can walk together. I see so many times where the wife wants to tithe and the husband does not or vice versa. This begins to create a wedge in their marriage, and while it is technically a financial disagreement, it is caused by not being on the same page spiritually. Do not be afraid to talk through issues like this and study the Scriptures together. God is big enough to handle our questions!
5. Seek counsel before it gets bad
If you are struggling in your finances as a couple, do not hesitate to seek counsel. I have worked with many pastors, community leaders, owners of huge companies…people you would not expect to have “financial issues” but we all need help with our finances at times. Ask for counsel for Proverbs 11:14 tells us “Where there is no guidance the people fall, But in abundance of counselors there is victory.”
I pray that the Father blesses your marriage with strength and a long time together as you seek Him first together!
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