Communication is key when it comes to finances. Lack of communication only causes frustration, distrust, and messy finances, but it is one topic couples will often avoid. Why? Often times it is caused by fear. Yet, without communication, it only causes more pain. As Larry Burkett, my favorite financial author and Christian teacher, says, “Money is either the best or the worst area of communication in our marriages.”
Here are some guidelines to talk to your spouse about money:
Begin by choosing a neutral location such as the kitchen table. Don’t pick a place that is one spouse’s territory.
Bring all of your financial information to your discussion time, so that you can both see the clear picture. If you have never had a budget or spending plan before, now is the time to create one. This will help you know what you’re spending each month and what you are spending it on. Not only will you plan where your money goes versus it going where it wants, you’ll have the opportunity to agree upon your plan.
Open in prayer. When we make God the center of our lives, marriages, and finances, we are putting our focus in the right place, and it allows us to be better focused on Him and others not our selfish wants and desires.
Allow each spouse to share their concerns about the finances without condemning each other. Look at the facts and distinguish them from the emotions without accusing. Saying “We don’t have enough money this month for all our bills which makes me feel insecure and uncomfortable” states the problem and how it makes you feel without accusing. Whereas if you say “you never provide for our family,” you have only served to start an argument.
Begin by prioritizing and setting goals. Maybe you want to be able to save for the children’s education while your husband would like a boat. Maybe you want to go back to college to further your education and career while your wife would like to pay off the house. Decide how you are going to work together for your family while still understanding each other’s goals and dreams.
Discuss who is going to handle the daily bill paying and balancing the checkbook. The other spouse should be sure to keep receipts and other needed information in order to assist the spouse doing the bookkeeping, so spend some time discussing how this will be handled and what information needs to be kept. At a minimum once a month, be sure to discuss the big picture and how the finances are coming along.
If you can’t discuss the finances calmly, seek help! I would encourage you to contact Crown Financial Ministries and request a Money Map Coach who can be a neutral third party to help you learn how to manage your finances from a Biblical perspective. You may also choose to seek personal or marital counseling if you find that finances are only the symptom of other issues. Don’t allow things to escalate to the point of this 2006 headline “A minister’s wife charged with murdering her husband told police she shot him after they argued over family finances and then told him ”I’m sorry” as he lay dying in their bedroom.” That is no way to solve financial issues in a marriage.
And finally pray and read the Scriptures on money. One of my favorite books Free and Clear by Howard Dayton is a must read if you have never read it. Or check out this brand new study on Creating a Spending Plan from Crown. And remember whatever you do, as a couple you are now one, so you are in this together and communicate!
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